T-minus 10 hours and counting until my first exam. The first two exams both have "random" written all over them--the second one because we're not real sure what to expect, the first because we do know what to expect--carnage. The gist of discussion seems to be everyone pretty much gets everything, which would be fine if it weren't for that whole business about the curve. Issue-spotting will be essential; the people who spot a little more or a little less are going to find themselves on the extremes of the bell curve. Good times. I just hope my answer doesn't fall under the truly lame attempt doctrine*.

On the upside, I got my first interview for the summer today. Yay! Some people don't even get an interview, so I've at least overcome the first hurdle on my path toward summer solvency.

(*Our professor's term for a criminal attempt that is not punished because it had no conceivable chance of succeeding--such as not charging someone for attempted murder who hires a voodoo priest to perform a ritual that will kill their neighbor. And all you voodoo priests should go after the professor, not me, for this, because it's his example and because under this doctrine I didn't just attempt to solicit you to kill him. OK, clearly time for bed.)

Today was a long afternoon of playing spider solitaire preparing my Crim Law notes at Starbucks. I feel like I'm pretty well prepared for my first two finals (Crim and Property) and not at all for my last one (Contracts). The problem: they are 3 curved exams, and 95 people feel pretty good about Crim and Property and not so much about Contracts.

Before I came here and then especially during orientation, people kept saying that living in a law dorm would be nice until finals approached, and then stress would cascade and everyone would be crazy. There's something to that, though I think doing most of my studying in coffee shops rather than the library helps. Mostly, social time has just dropped off the radar screen; all semester doors were open, people would hang out, work would be dropped to go get a beer or 17. Now it's a quick lunch or dinner and then back to the library. I think this is one place where grad school has helped me from a mental preparedness standpoint--a four-hour essay exam is less scary when you've been through Ph.D. exams, and I'm also conscious of my own limitations when it comes to diminishing returns and studying. Of course, the other possibility is I'm delusional and setting myself up for a big fall by not working 18 hours a day; I guess we'll find out when grades come out in February.

Oh, the other news is that I got my first ding letter today; one down, hopefully fewer than 36 to go.

Two of the classic cases in eminent domain jurisprudence are Hadacheck v. Sebastian and Penn Central RR v. City of New York. In Hadacheck a guy running a brick factory on the outskirts of L.A. was forced to shut it down as the city grew toward him. He got no compensation--because nuisance regulation isn't considered a taking--even though he was there first, and even though his property lost 87% of its value. In Penn Central, the railroad was prevented from putting a 50-story office building on top of Grand Central Station because of historical preservation regulation, and one of the questions was whether transferable development rights (TDRs) could be adequate compensation for a taking. TDRs basically allow you to transfer your right to build to another property you own, allowing you to build higher than you otherwise would on a different property. Also, Baba O'Reilly is the song by The Who commonly known as Teenage Wasteland.

Why do I tell you all of this? Well, because we know by now that one of my classic study avoidance tools is song adaptation...

Out here in Grand Cent.
We fought for more rent
We'd get it back with a big building
But we had to fight
They said it's a blight
TDR's our consolation

Don't sue
They'll get you too
They’re only taking my land

City took my land
No bricks like I planned
Put out the fire
For neighbors on my doorstep
The court said OK
Took seven-eighths away
Cause I am a nuisance
I don't even get, like, 4 cents

Taking my land
They're only taking my land
They're all takings!

A couple of notes on Sideways, which I watched Saturday night:

1. I have rarely gone into a movie with such starkly contrasting word-of-mouth-based expectations. I had read nothing about the movie, and had heard from two people who had seen it: one said 4 stars, the other walked out an hour in out of boredom.
2. I leaned much more toward the former, though I will admit to enjoying the second hour more.
3. I defend the scene that induced the walkout (the Madsen and Giamatti characters describing why they like the particular wines they like) on the basis that it's a rare moment in an American movie where two characters make a love connection on a purely intellectual level.
4. It's good to see Thomas Haden Church is out of witness protection. He shows incredible range, playing a washed-up TV actor. It's at least as impressive as Giamatti playing a balding guy.
5. There is some fantastic physical comedy in that second half--most notably the scene at the cheesy winery and the scene where Church goes back for his wallet. I'll say no more.
6. Best use of a motorcycle helmet. Ever.
7. If I sit in the front row of the top section of the State Theater--the row with double the legroom of any other row--I can almost get through a two-hour movie pain-free. Almost.
8. Yes, I'm absolutely stalling vis-a-vis Contracts outlining, and thank you for asking.

If you've ever wondered what it's like to be a candidate to host a network late-night talk show or alternately the King of Siam, wonder no longer.

Also, I hate to relink to something 80% of you probably saw elsewhere, but this gem shows us some holiday specials that could've (arguably should've) been. (Thanks Mike.)

A wise man once said, I don't want to work. I just want to bang on the drum all day. That's the way I'm feeling right now, except for the drum part. I'm in the midst of a two-hour break between Contracts and Criminal, which is for all intents and purposes my last class of the semester. (Tomorrow's the last day for the semester, but it's all review sessions.) Generally, this window has been productive time for me. This week, it just makes me want to sleep.

Yesterday I was bummed after Contracts because I didn't want to go outside through the cold rain back to my room, and I figured if I went there I'd fall asleep. Then I remembered I didn't have my books for Crim, so I had to go. When I got there, I considered my options, and stumbled upon two brilliant ones. I made two cups of Sugar Plum Spice tea from the lifetime supply I ordered last November, and decided to watch a movie on my computer.

I needed a DVD that was in my collection and under 100 minutes long. I found one of those, in the classic "movie I liked too much to pass up for $5 but not enough to ever watch" film Singles. Good music, attractive people, a different angst than mine--it was fabulous. It wasn't even nearly as dated as I expected it to be, save for monochrome computer monitors, Matt Dillon's hair and the fact that Campbell Scott was the leading man. It was strange to just sit and watch for an hour and a half, and then I remembered that it's something normal people do all the time. It's incredible how I've adapted to a TV-free living environment, when I never thought I'd be able to live without terrific cable/DirecTV.

I can't get across anything here besides: Dude, WTF?!?!?! Scroll down to May 28 and click the song link for the holiday cheer I'm talking about.

I've spent a ridiculous amount of my day on that most quintessentially 1L task, creating course outlines. For the last 5.5 hours, for instance, I've been sitting at Espresso Royale (where I spend many, many hours most days) creating Criminal Law-related prose (some writing, some cut-and-pasting) that looks like this:

Involuntary manslaughter: the unintentional, reckless [or negligent] killing of a human being.

Negligent homicide: the unintentional, negligent killing of a human being.

Bold-underlined text indicates a definition. Red text indicates something that is only true in common-law jurisdictions. Violet text indicates something is true in both common-law and Model Penal Code jurisdictions. Blue (you guessed it!) means something is only true in Model Penal Code jurisdictions. If, lord help you, you wanted to see what all this is leading to, here are some of our professor's previous exams. (Note: "some of our professor's previous exams," contrary to what I may have said, is not only true in Model Penal Code jurisdictions.)

In other news--oh wait, it's 11 days until my first final and 19 days until my last one; there is no other news.

I post this link to Uni Watch, in deference to the Johnnie LeMaster reference.

[UPDATE #2: Go here for Dave's much, much more in-depth take on these events.]

[UPDATE: It's "Curt" (or possibly "Kurt"). Apologies to all Bills for defaming your name, and to Mr. as Intuition for forgetting yours, even though you're still a train wreck of a performer.]

For the second time this semester tonight, I went to The Ark to see my buddy Dave on open mike night. From my two Ark open mike experiences, I think I can safely extrapolate that you can expect the following:

1. Numerous singer-songwriter types of various stripes from just starting out to touring regional artist, all with some modicum of talent.
2. At least one fairly butch lesbian who sings little girl voice singer-songwriter love songs devoid of third-person singular pronouns.
3. One act from Neptune.

The first time we went, the act from Neptune was an older, vaguely-Willie-Nelson-looking gentleman who only sang one song, but did it in this wacky soprano/falsetto style. The verses were these ridiculous little stories about living in different places ("I used to live, in a one-bedroom apartment...", "I used to live, on the streets of Chicago") and then having them busted up by the cops or some other outside agency. The chorus was simply, "IIIIII'mmmm, just a little bit lonely." We were kind of chuckling through the song, but actually loving it.

I forget tonight's Neptune guy's first name, but it was followed by "as Intuition". Let's call him "Bill as Intuition" for the sake of discussion. The first bad sign (beyond the name) was that when Bill as Intuition approached the stage, he was carrying an iPod which was to be his accompaniment. (Everyone else used between one and three of: piano, guitar, harmonica.) The sound people were not sure how to deal with this at first, so they interposed the set of gender-neutral shaved-head-girl love songs, during which they talked over the iPod setup. They got it ready for Bill as Intuition to go next.

I can only describe Bill as Intuition's singing style as, "if Neil Dimaond and Jon Secada had a kid, except untalented and full of himself." OK, the full of himself wasn't just singing style, but also the fact that he kept bitching about the volume of the music (too low), and he had that slicked-straight-back hair style that only works for network news anchors and Mafioso. It just makes everybody else look like an annoying greasy guy, and frankly doesn't even work all that well for the anchors and mob. The songs were your standard issue cheesy pop ballads with backing that would generously be described as electronica, and ungenerously described as more over-produced than E.T. the Atari game. Also, the lyrics of the second song mostly consisted of "SLEEPWALKER!" repeated approximately 4,406 times.

At the end of his set, Bill as Intuition bitched about the volume of the backing music one more time, and then mentioned that he has made a video of the second song. If we can find this anywhere, trust me we will share--it promises to be comedy gold, if not comedy platinum.

I just signed and sealed 37 envelopes to go out first thing in the morning. December 1 is the first day that first-year law students can contact prospective employers about summer jobs, and the general buzz seems to be that that means apply on December 1 if you want a job with a firm. I'm sending 29 letters to LA firms and 8 to Pittsburgh ones; this is not due to any preference of any sort beyond the fact that (1) I want a job, (2) there is basically no chance of getting a job outside of markets you have direct connections to, and (3) those 37 are basically the ones in those two cities which at least claim to hire 1Ls. So I'll scatter resumes and cover letters to the wind, hope for some response, and then get back to preparing for finals; with any luck, I'll have some interviews to keep me busy over the holidays.