Thursday, May 01, 2003

So, regarding Buffy--what the hell?! I mean what the freakin' hell?! Two weeks ago we get the most haunting scene I can remember ever seeing on TV, with Xander getting his eye put out by evil-preacher dude Caleb--and with a big ol' thumb, not some namby-pamby Red Ryder BB gun neither. (Note to self: Find out what the hell ever happened to Peter Billingsley anyway.) But this week it's just the Scooby Gang mutiny, where at the end everyone says no we're not going to go fight evil preacher/thumb man and get our asses kicked again, and Buffy is basically voted out of the tribe. What the freakin' hell?! There are THREE EPISODES LEFT, people--what are you going to do, sit around playing Parcheesi for two and a half weeks and then quietly acquiesce to fiery apocalypse?

The other thing this episode showed is that the spin-off should be the Andrew and Spike Variety Hour. For the uninitiated, Spike is Buffy's former-nemesis-turned-love-interest once evil now good but still a badass, and Andrew is also one of Buffy's former nemesiseses (how do you say that word?), but is basically a fey little 18-year-old whiny comic book geek. Anyway, this week Spike was sent on a mission, and to get rid of him for awhile Andrew was sent along too. Cut to a scene of Andrew riding behind Spike on a motorcycle. Andrew keeps saying that fighting evil makes you hungry, and that they should stop somewhere and get curly fries. Or one of those bloomin' onions. Spike agrees that those are good too. Andrew rhetorically asks how they can make them so yummy but still hold together all pretty like that. After a pause, Spike notes that they dip them in ice water for a while so that they'll hold their shape, and then explains the process for making them. Another pause, and then "Tell anyone we had this conversation and I'll bite you." Very good times. I will miss Buffy's strange sense of humor more than anything else.

On Survivor, tonight should be really good. Rob saved the ass of the ragtag coalition of deaf-girl Christy, creepy possibly psycho guy Matthew, and under-the-radar Butch. (Every season one person is pretty much under the radar for a while, but usually not by the time we're down to six people; the Stealth Bomber could take pointers from Butch; beige called and asked him for bland lessons.) If those three have any brains at all, they will immediately turn around and get rid of Rob, since he's gotten them a majority of three if they take it, vs. the majority of four that they are collectively with him. Heidi and Jenna would jump up and down at the chance to off Rob, because he screwed up their little singles party, and because if they don't it's their ass. They have to do it.

But Lord I hope I'm right, and they don't have a collective brain in their head. Because Rob is too fun for words, and I don't want him to go away. If they vote off one of the babes, I hope it's Heidi, because instead of focusing on hotness I can't stop watching her implant stretch marks grow each week. Seriously, when everything shrinks but the boobs, there is a point where it goes from pleasant to weirdly stretched out and approaching gross. Jenna can stay since she's the Pittsburgh girl and hotter anyway. Also, Jenna could make things more interesting the final two weeks, since I think she's more capable of winning immunity than Heidi is. All I really care about, though, is that Rob lives to scheme another day.

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